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Here’s to Britain’s future – and the beaming nation of happiness Brexit has made us

Do we hear from Boris Johnson the voice of authority he admires so much in Winston Churchill? We do not

Boris Johnson will be throwing in some DVDs and a wheelbarrow soon – anything to get a deal

We absolutely must have historians to remind us at all times when stories about the Royal Family aren’t accurate

This government is so confused – we go from lockdown to Tier 3 and back again and have no idea what any of it means

Want a multi-million PPE payout from the government? Apparently, all you have to do is befriend a Tory MP

‘It’s not fair, Boris said I could be his mate’ – Lee Cain, Boris Johnson and a nuclear WhatsApp group

The biggest Trump meltdown the world has ever seen is imminent. Be prepared

If Trump loses, it won’t take long for us to wake up to who Boris Johnson really was all along

Marcus Rashford should set up a rival test and trace that works just as badly. Maybe then kids could eat this winter

The government has mastered a test and trace system – for appointing Tory insiders

Lockdown rules are so arbitrary that the government should just tell northern England it can only breathe every other day

Priti Patel is trying to save asylum seekers from danger – by using wave machines to keep them away

Boris Johnson is right – we’re all wrong for failing to predict the government’s knee-jerk coronavirus rules

If you don’t understand the rules, fear not. Boris Johnson is coming with Moonshot to zap the virus into another galaxy

Joe Biden should address the nation and tell us Trump is actually a sentient cupcake. That’s how he’ll win this election

There was no boycott over 'Rule, Britannia' at Royal Ascot. But let's keep singing it anyway, just in case

The government's approach to exams is the same as everything else it does: Make deranged choices and watch Britain burn

Nigel Farage is right. Until refugees can do some honest work and hold pints down the pub all day, we can't let them in

Don't blame the government for ordering 50 million unusable face masks, we all know they're an engineering nightmare

Annunziata Rees-Mogg has kindly shared that potatoes are cheaper than oven chips. That's food poverty sorted then

When it comes to Brexit, British interference got us into this mess

Wearing masks from 24 July is a great idea. There is no point whatsoever in rushing

Care homes are totally to blame for all the coronavirus deaths. It's their fault for following government advice

Lockdown is now based on our cravings. So when we go down the boozer this weekend, we can say we're doing it for England

The 4th July is now Boris Day, where we celebrate what a fantastic job our prime minister has done

Thank god Dominic Raab is here – we might never have known the real reason Colin Kaepernick took a knee

Toppling the Colston statue saved the council a hefty removal fee – protesters should send them an invoice

Trump seems to think it's essential to be violent against people who are peacefully complaining about violence

Now it's our turn to start making up outlandish stories every time we want to break the rules

Johnny Foreigner's days taking advantage of are over. You've saved our lives, now fork over the cash

So what if we have the highest coronavirus death toll in Europe? At least our commutes are a little more thrilling

Boris Johnson is right, there's no sense in death toll comparisons to Europe – so let's quit now and stop counting

The government says paper towels count as PPE – so now we can help the NHS by running hospitals in our homes

Don't worry everyone, we're being 'guided by the science' – and that means, never ever challenging the government

Now's no time for hard questions about coronavirus – save them for when there's nothing the government can do about it

We're so lucky our government's coronavirus figures are vague, now we can just use a lottery draw for updates

Sure, 30 ventilators is on the way to 30,000 – in the same way the Co-op is on the way to Kenya

At least Boris Johnson is a laugh – pragmatism would've been so boring during this pandemic

How convenient for Boris Johnson that the science on coronavirus miraculously 'changed' – that way he wasn't wrong about anything

Thank God we have Trump to do what the scientists won't – build that coronavirus wall

The US is already giving us chlorinated chicken, let's bring in voter suppression too

The only way this government can reduce homelessness is by classifying a park bench as a studio flat

Soon we'll all enjoy supermarkets more – once the crowds of low-skilled migrant staff have been deported

The only thing the Tories learned from the Windrush scandal was the thrill of deporting people

With their Iowa entertainment, the Democrats have made the news watchable again

As Brexit day approaches, let us celebrate our biggest victory – the freedom to drink very bad wine

If you say Muslim women look like letter boxes, the only job you can get is prime minister – it's the woke brigade's fault

Who needs pompous scientists with annoying graphs when we have Matt Hancock to solve the climate crisis

No wonder Meghan and Harry are stepping back – she's probably running for Labour leader

Labour doesn't need a "likeable" leader – it needs a competent one

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