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Now it's our turn to start making up outlandish stories every time we want to break the rules

Johnny Foreigner's days taking advantage of are over. You've saved our lives, now fork over the cash

So what if we have the highest coronavirus death toll in Europe? At least our commutes are a little more thrilling

Boris Johnson is right, there's no sense in death toll comparisons to Europe – so let's quit now and stop counting

The government says paper towels count as PPE – so now we can help the NHS by running hospitals in our homes

Don't worry everyone, we're being 'guided by the science' – and that means, never ever challenging the government

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